Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
