I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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