She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
