She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
