I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
