I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
