Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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