I love how my cats smell like pot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
