The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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