News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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