you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
