dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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