Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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