The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
