Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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