I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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