if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
