are you still at the devil's house?
youre lurking in front of me
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
