Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize