I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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