my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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