look no pants
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
