Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
