Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
