so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
