there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
