if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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