Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
