Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
