I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
