Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
