hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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