Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
