oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
