something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
