They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
