YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
