So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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