I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
