I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
