do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
