Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
