I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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