we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
