Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
