I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
