Don't make out with my wife yet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
