he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
