two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
