I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
