he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
