Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize