I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
