i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
