If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
