he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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