Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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