My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
