I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
foreskin is a definite game changer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
