I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i would punch a child for taco bell
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
