Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
