i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
