Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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