I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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